He asked to "fluff my boner.."
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
