I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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