I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
