She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
