Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I smell like Dick and happiness
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
