everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
