and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
