porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
