Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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