just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
