Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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