On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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