Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
