I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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