I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
