I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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