I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
