I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
