Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
