so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
