i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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