New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
