You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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