Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will pee on everything he values.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
