I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
