Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
