just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
