So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
