alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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