Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
