sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
