You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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