If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
