What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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