I wannas sexs uuuuu
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
