So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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