If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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