now i know why i became what i already was.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
