Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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