Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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