I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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