I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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