I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
