soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
