why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
