wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
