you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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