Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
