Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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