i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
