Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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