WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
