I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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