does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i believe in u and ur pee
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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