Do you still have your period?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
