You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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