soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my poor anus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
