Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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