Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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