I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
