she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
