Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
