so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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