i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
