So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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