Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize