Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
