Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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