Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
