He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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