only if we run a train.
done.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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