I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Enjoy the penises
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
