im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
