Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I will be naked everywhere
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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