I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
