I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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