the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
