How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
