Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
