I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize