you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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