I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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