Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
