I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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