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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I have a theory he's part Neanderthal

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.

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• (831): View more from California

  Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (857): View more from Massachusetts

  His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.

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• (845): View more from New York

  So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.

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• (585): View more from New York

  He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.

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• (845): View more from New York

  Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.

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