Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.