Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.