well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.